Innocence Lost

I remember how my mother used to play these Disney cartoons for me and my sister on rainy Sundays when we couldn't go out and play when I was very little. After watching the cartoons, my mother would then leave us to our own devices (but not before pouring us glasses of milk), and I would wander by the bookshelves that seemed oh so tall, and wonder out loud: "What book shall I read next, Mommy?"

When I think of these beautiful and comforting times, I always ask myself the same thing --- just when did I lose my innocence?

Was it when I first went to kindergarden, and no-one wanted to seat next to me on the school bus, just because I told them the Earth was round and that Santa Claus wasn't real? Was it when I was six, when I found out that anyone (even your own best friend) could betray you anytime, and that you cannot trust your "friends"? Was it when I was bullied, and I could only cry all by myself at school, too scared to do anything else? Or was it when I started to watch the news with my parents, and learnt of war, of cruelty, and of what humans do to each other? Was it then?

But that doesn't mean I've lost all of my innocence, though. I still watch "Sesame Street" and "Winnie-the-Pooh" whenever I have the chance. I love to jump and see if my fingers can touch the ceiling. I still do a lot of things that normal people might think are stupid or childish.

But I really don't care what they think. They can laugh at me, for all I care. I'm just trying to preserve the last little bit of innocence in me, before I grow-up completely, and lose any sense of child-like wonder of the world.

"You have to walk before you can run,"

They said firmly

So we walked, at first,

And then we ran, as fast as we could,

away from anything childlike and naive

Thinking of wonders was ignorance

Scornful derision was a cure for adolescence

Then, when we grow up

We suddenly realize

innocence was the best option after all.